Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I party with great urgency now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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