He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
