I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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