i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
