Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just pee around me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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