Quick, to the slutcave!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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