big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
