I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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