i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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