So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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