the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
