and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
