Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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