Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize