I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
