dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
