i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
