That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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