Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
