Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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