Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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