I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
