$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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