I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
