dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
