i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
