So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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