life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
