Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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