Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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