Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
