we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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