we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize