I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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