That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
