i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
