OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im six kinds of drunk right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Vodka?
Forever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize