You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
