Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
