There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
