2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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