How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
