This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
