How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
