I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
