do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
