yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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