Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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