I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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