You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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