u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All the doctor said was why
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
