WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
