Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
