I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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