but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
