you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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