Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
