We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
