Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
