Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
