Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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