AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
