i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
