your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
