My nipple is on Facebook.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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