Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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