i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
