im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
