Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
