If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
