Fuck appropriateness.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize