Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
