you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
