i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
