I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
