Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
