i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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