He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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