I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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