Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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