Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
