Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize