Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
