If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i out mim tonsoeep
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
